An old HS friend's parent passed away this weekend from emphysema. After emailing my condolences I decided to call to let my friend know that I cared very much for him, especially in this time of immense emotional pain. We talked for over 30 minutes and I let him tell me how he felt and his feelings about his father's present state. As much as I disagree, based on the available scientific evidence to the contrary that an afterlife exists, I always chose to listen and not argue the finer points of accepted Christian dogma during these difficult times. I'm not callous or insensitive to the comfort people feel in their beliefs and it's not my duty to take that away. My friend appreciated my kind words even though I felt I didn't offer much comfort by talking about heaven and better places. I may not pray for my friends and family but it doesn't mean I don't care. I care very much and always wish I could do more, which is what we all do whether we feel guided by a supernatural force or not.
One of the problems I worry about is seeming to be an asshole when I struggle with finding the right words. Mostly what I try to convey is support and love. If there is anything I can do I offer my services. What more can we do?
How do you handle situations like this?
3 comments:
How do you handle situations like that?
Pretty much by doing exactly what you did.
Basically, yeah, how you handled it. I wasn't brought up on prayer and god and such. So, I never say, I will be praying for you, or he's in a better place. It just comes natural for me to say, I'm sorry for your loss and I will be thinking of you.
My husband was hoping to get a better position at his work place and that meant more money. I had mentioned to my sister about it and she sent me back an e-mail that said she would put in a prayer request for him that night at her church. She said it couldn't hurt. So I responded back with, "well, you know I don't think prayer works, but thanks anyway.
I agree with CK and Tina; I think you handled the situation really well. Often its the way in which the sentiment is delivered (ie, with compassion, empathy and genuine feeling) rather than the actual words that grieving people remember. Just my thoughts.
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