Over the years I've been to many Christian funerals. Each have been different: Methodist, Church of Christ, Baptist. Unfortunately I have yet to attend a secular funeral. I want to discuss the weird things I've noticed that are in common with each of these funerals.
The weirdest, most glaring problem I noticed was the minister didn't know the deceased. At all! Also, they didn't take the time to ask personal questions like how did friends and family refer to the decease when she was alive. My aunt was known by her middle name and yet this minister kept calling her by her first name, which I didn't know until Sunday. He also read from notes that I think he obtained from her obituary and he got those wrong or perhaps just misread them. What's sad about this scenario is that he was at the wake before the funeral and could've asked more questions about my aunt. I suppose he was busy feeding his face.
At the other funerals I've attended this has also been the case. It shows that the minister really doesn't care about the family. Aren't these people of God supposed to care enough to get basic facts straight? You'd think they'd have the funeral routine down to a fine art. (I've noticed this at weddings too.)
Another gripe I have is the sermon. The minister knows she has a captive audience so she's going to preach the word of God as she's supposed to. That's fine. What pisses me off is the funeral should be a celebration of the deceased life and 100% of the time spent at a funeral should be about that person and her family. At my aunt's funeral it was about 50/50. Bearable. At other funerals I've had to sit through 45 minutes of Jesus Saves to 15 minutes of eulogy. And the eulogy was first. Sad.
How about a disclaimer? It be great if the minister said, "Now I will begin to tell you the story of the glory of God and the life of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. Those who don't want or need this sermon can now leave with no penalty." RAmen!
6 comments:
I remember being at the funeral of the father of a friend of mine. The pastor kept calling my friend's dad by my friend's name. I don't want anyone I don't know performing the service at my funeral. Hell, I'm tempted to write that into my will.
At my great-aunt's funeral the minster did the same thing. He kept calling her by her first name, even though she always went by her middle name. The thing was, he had known her for years, and I don't think he ever called her anything except Mrs. Remfry. I don't think he knew what her first names were and didn't take a moment to check which one she used before he began the eulogy. At east there was no preaching.
Did you see that Arthur C. Clarke, who died yesterday, has specified that his funeral be completely secular? He doesn't want any element of any religion in it.
I attended my husbands aunts funeral. We didn't know she was an atheist till the funeral. :) It was an awesome experience. We all celebrated her life, no preacher to be seen or heard! Yayy!
But when his father passed away, the preacher said a few things about him, then broke out with a sermon. Sounded like he was at church.
As a secular minister, I am usually disappointed with religious ceremonies. As many people have noted, it is as if the preacher didn't even take the time to get to know the folks they're preachin' over or even give them much thought at all.
Funerals are about saying your goodbyes but they should also be a celebration of the person's life. Good memories should abound to help ease the pain of loss.
The Reverend
The Reverend:
I couldn't agree with you more. After reading about Arthur C. Clarke's death I sent an email to my family saying that, like this great author and humanist, I wish to have a completely secular funeral, because it should be all about ME!
Yeah, my grandfather was a regular attendee at church, but never mentioned it to others, and no one else in the family was, so when he died, my grandmother (who never attended) asked the minister to just talk about Frank (my grandpa) and not too much shit about god - well fuck me, if this wasn't a red rag to a bull - he had some fire and brimstone sermon during the funeral service, crapping on that those who didn't repent would end up in hell or some such tripe.
Religion is about power and control, not about being nice.
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