The title of this sounds much worse than it is. I'll explain. In HS my friend Kevin was someone who I admired in an odd way. He was a self proclaimed atheist, loner, poet, story teller, and pot head. Over the years we've kept in contact, sometimes losing touch for years at a time. With the Internet we've managed to maintain some contact, but to be honest, the effort was more on his part than mine.
Recently we've been discussing politics and he revealed to me that he converted to Catholicism several years ago. I was mildly shocked and asked what happened to the atheist I knew in HS. He said that it was an act, he wanted to appear to be intelligent and thought that was a cool way of expressing himself. As one can imagine, I was disappointed and let him know as much.
Over the past few months our discussions have gotten personal and disturbing. At one point he asked me to let him have his crutch, but I guess I couldn't let go. This is one of the last letters I wrote him:
Dear Kevin,
OK, I get what you're saying, that I should let you be happy in your delusion. You seem to understand, even at an unconscious level, that you are doing this for emotional reasons. Although I don't get that part, I respect your right to do such a thing. I have several good friends that cannot handle talking about Jesus with me and we've decided not to discuss religion. They know that if they mention God and/or Jesus the bet is off and I am free to talk about their unnecessary belief system. I'm sadden by this kind of arrangement but I always honor it. Perhaps that is what we should do. We can have civil conversations without the mention of God, Jesus, or the Bible. What say you?
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Ok, I was harsh and unforgiving, but I was getting tired of his repeated attempts at injecting God/Jesus into discussions that would've been better handled without the supernatural. This small sampling of his letter:
"Earlier I thought we might continue as friends, but I've come to see that we can't truly preserve our friendship, talking around the elephant in the room. It would be a hollow relationship, devoid of heartfelt passion. Friendship should have to be carried like gossamer crystal, in fear of it's shattering. I cannot discuss anything without God. He is woven into my bones and my soul. This leaves only silence. So, with the deepest regret, the fondest memories, and the greatest hope for your happiness, be well, do good work, and continue reaching for the stars."
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My response:
Dear Kevin,
Sometimes relationships fail. If we had communicated more or had more contact I'm sure this would've happened sooner.
Good luck and I wish you nothing but the best.
Summer
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I know this looks bad, like I'm evil or something but I'm not a sentimental and I can't fake it. When a relationship ends I believe in letting it go and giving the other person release and finality. This is what I did and I would want that myself.
Was I too harsh?
5 comments:
that sucks Summer. I don't think you were too harsh at all. It sounds like you were both honest with each other about the relationship and honest about what you were both capable and not capable of doing. You mutually ended it. I can only imagine how sad you must feel and regret that you couldn't rehabilitate your friend.
I thought you were perfectly straight with this friend. And it sounds like he was too. But it's sad that we just can't all talk without religion in the mix.
I only have one friend and we only speak about every four years! But it works for us.
You were not too harsh. Anyone who has to have God 'with them' with every friendship or conversation needs professional help. :)
I find it very sad that when it came down to a choice between a long-standing friendship and a "crutch" relationship with an imaginary being that this person chose the second option. I'm afraid I can't fathom what your friend is getting from his "relationship" with God that could be better than a real life, flesh-and-blood relationship. Give me a chat with a good friend over a cup of coffee any day over a desperate prayer to a silent, unresponsive, unknowable force.
Sounds like he's still smokin' too much pot.
You did good, though I'd be concerned about anyone who poke about god with that much conviction.
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