Bigotry in the South

I want to mainly use this blog to get a few things off my chest about the way I was raised. You see, my mother was a "Primitive Baptist"or "Hardshell Baptist." They are very fundamentalist and conservative; preaching fire, hell, and brimstone. I hated going to church. It was boring and when the preacher got the "holy ghost" in him he was unintelligible. I was a very smart little girl and just didn't get the whole religion thing so I managed to block much of it out.

Back to getting things off my chest. Both my parents were raised in poverty conditions in which religion was one of the few comforts one could count on. My father didn't talk much about his experience, but my mother was very vocal. Being raised in The Valley in South Texas she was around migrate workers and learned to think herself superior to these poor people. Mexicans, blacks, it didn't matter; she was extremely bigoted against anyone who wasn't white. By example we were taught that we were superior too and the "N" word (among other racial slurs) were common in our house.

In fact, I didn't know these words were bad until I graduated from HS and found myself living in Austin. What a wonderful, robust city! I lived there for about 3 months in the summer of 1979. Hippy Hollow, Travis Lake, Barton Springs, I did it all. I saw my first X-rated movie in Austin! This repressed gal was happy and finally free! During this time I became friends with a variety of people of other races. While having an innocent conversation the "N" word slipped from my mouth effortlessly and without thought as to the connotations attached to it. My black friend immediately had the most hurt look on her face and I knew instantly I had done something horribly wrong. Actually, it was so instantaneous that I knew that the "N" word was the cause of the hurt so I stopped in mid-conversation and left the room.

During this most embarrassing moment my thoughts turned to my parents, my role models. How could they turn me loose on the world without arming me with this knowledge? I was hurt and angry. I vowed to make it up to my friend and to make a difference in how I communicated with my parents. From that moment on I made it clear that they were NEVER to use that word in front of me. I also reinforced the fact that I was not a bigot and would not tolerate that kind of subject matter in my presence.

It's been 28 years since that moment. I'm happy to report that both Mom and Dad refrained from making racists remarks in front of me. I'd like to think it gave them pause, but that would be hoping for too much. I do know that over the years they did change their attitudes a little so maybe I planted that seed so long ago.

I brought up my religious upbringing for a purpose. My mother rationalized her bigotry on the bible by referring to the parts that condone slavery. At the time, as a very young child, I knew that was fucked up thinking. The older I became and the more I learned about Christianity I saw my mother as a very selfish person who cherry picked the bible to make it work in her favor. That's when I picked up the book to see what it contained for myself. That's when I started on the path of atheism.