Several weeks ago my mother and I had a strange conversation about my atheism. It was our first and only. She didn't ask about my journey or how I came to not believe, she was more concerned about my beliefs of the afterlife and asked as to where I thought my father was. Dad died September 2004 after fighting lung cancer for 5 short months. According to an arrangement my parents made in advance, he was cremated and placed in a small black box. Mom lovingly kept his remains in a wooden chest in her living room which I thought was comforting for her. So when she asked me where I thought my Dad was I truthfully replied that he was in her living room.
That upset her greatly, and it should have. She wasn't concerned at all about me but about where I thought my wonderful father was residing at this moment. Again she asked but wording the question differently, "That's not what I mean! Do you think your Dad is in heaven?" I calmly replied he is dead and that he didn't exist anymore; that there was no heaven.
With the knowledge I have gotten from much research about Christianity I shouldn't have been surprised at her outburst and total lack of concern for me. It is all about them and about the rewards after death. What a creepy way to live one's life!
This essentially was my "coming out" to my mother and it was uplifting for me, but I have to admit I was disappointed, although not surprised, that she didn't ask better questions. She's never wanted to know much about me which is a source of much frustration on my part. One thing that did surprise her is how well I knew the bible. In the context of this particular conversation I wasn't able to tell her why, only that I did know it better than her. (When I brought up the morality of the OT she said that Jesus stated that we don't have to abide by the OT and I corrected her. She said that I was taking that verse out of context. Figures. That old pat answer.) That's when she questioned me about my Dad. I so wanted to tell her about my search for God and how I never found him. I wanted her to know that I didn't make this decision suddenly and without much thought. I wanted her to know how much happier I am now that the threats and promises of eternal torment no longer haunt me. Unfortunately for me, she'll never be in a place where she will want to hear me. She never has and never will.
More on this later.
2 comments:
That's a sad story.
I have been reasonably obvious with my Parents about my Atheism, they are catholic and I have on several occasions worn my "godless" shirt and cap around them. Different country, different era.
Sorry about the relationship(on this topic) that you have not got with your mother.
Post a Comment